Father's day...............

19^th June was Father’s Day... Till now, I have always consciously avoided this day or consciously kept myself busy in some or the other day so that the realization of my father’s loss doesn’t seem so overwhelming... Today also I had kept myself pretty busy (doing nothing actually as it’s raining cats and dogs in Ranchi for the past 72 hours), but busy in the sense I woke up in the morning at 11.45 am as it was pretty dark outside due to the clouds, then spent some time whiling away in the balcony listening to music... I had never known it myself the exact date of Father’s Day, or rather never considered important enough to be remembered.. But today, after I logged onto Facebook and the innumerous “Happy “Father’s Day” updates and never-ending sms-es, it reminded me painfully that yes, today is Father’s Day... Yes, the pain of losing a father at 3 years of age, remembering very little about the person who was in your life for such a short span of time, seeing your family struggle all these years through everything, hearing about that person only through others and trying to form a picture regarding how that person might have been when he was alive among them, growing up listening how IDEAL that human being was—an ideal son, an ideal husband, an ideal father (as long as he was with me-no matter whether that was a very short span in my life), continuously seeing your grandmother shedding copious tears whenever she looks at your face because I look like my father(everyone says so...!!!!)-the feeling just became too overwhelming and excruciatingly painful....

I really used feel jealous whenever I  used to see my friends’ fathers coming to drop them off or pick up from school.... And I still do whenever I see a girl being her Daddy’s li’l princess.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss you Babi.... I missed you whenever I was awarded for ranking first in class, for being the all-runder in school and you weren’t there like others’ to applaude for me..!!! I miss nagging to you for buying me something that I really like....!!! I missed you whenever other’s fathers came to hug their daughters after every dance function......I miss you when all the families go out enjoying themselves the whole night every Durga Puja, every new year, every Christmas, every Poila Boisakh......

I just miss you.................I miss you very much....................................